The Power of Gratitude: Finding Peace in Assisi

                                                                          Lost & Found

“Nothing” Makes Me Happy

This wasn’t my first “pilgrimage” to idyllic Assisi, Italy, but this time it had a particularly special meaning. I had come here before after experiencing prior heartaches in my life. The serenity and palpable peace I felt in Assisi never failed to soothe my heart and soul. The village of Assisi was always a meaningful destination for me. I was blessed to visit it off-season to avoid the thronging tourist groups, obligatory gelato in hand, their descension en masse always detracting a bit from its characteristic serenity. 

My favorite area would forever be San Damiano; it was just on the outskirts of Assisi, but felt worlds away spiritually. I had visited the church many times before and was always particularly drawn to the Garden of the Canticle, the interior, protective courtyard adorned with flowers that always greeted me like a sanctuary of contemplation and peace.

I sighed in contentment as I realized how far I had come since my last visit here several months prior. I was no longer “sleepwalking” through life. I had been “awakened” and blessedly returned to my prior vibrant existence. My spirit had been rekindled thanks to the igniting spark of gratitude. There seemed to be no better place to celebrate and give thanks for my rediscovered spirit than the site where I had previously realized that I had hit rock bottom. 

This time, I started at the adjacent hillside overlooking the undulating fertile Umbrian valley below punctuated by brilliant red poppy fields and pops of yellow brightness from the carpets of sunflowers looking upwards in worship of the sun. I always ended my visit here, feeling the consoling embrace of Mother Nature, which never disappointed in soothing my aching soul. 

Today was different and I knew with all my heart that it was appropriate to begin here. Seeking solace from my various traumatic heartbreaks had characterized my previous visits; this time my focus was one of pure gratitude. I had recently healed from my lifetime of traumas and I had come to give thanks - thanks for having found profound peace via my healing, and thanks for my prior transformative visits, which had been integral to helping me cope with my life experiences. 

It seemed fitting to come to the place where St. Francis of Assisi, one of my spiritual icons, had written the “Canticle of the Creatures”, a thanksgiving hymn to God. St. Francis epitomized both “thanks” and “giving” to me. He had been a source of healing and inspiration for me many times and I knew instantly that San Damiano was the place for my “thanksgiving”. One doesn’t just visit Assisi - San Damiano, in particular - it’s a spiritual experience that had deeply resonated with me from the first time I stepped foot in the enchanting, entrancing town.

The confluence of my traumas had previously made me feel as if I had  “lost everything”. It was here that I had finally come to the realization that I always had everything I needed all along. It seemed an apropos place to express my deep gratitude in the land of St. Francis, who had shunned all materialistic things and had embraced a simplistic life of compassion and servitude. I, of course, was not saintly like St. Francis, nor did I live a monastic life, but metaphorically, I felt a kindred spirit with his values. I had always felt life to be the most fulfilling when lived the most simplistically. When embracing life’s simple pleasures becomes our focus, we can forever be immersed in happiness, grateful for what we have instead of focused on endlessly chasing after “more”.

The worst thing had been “losing my way”. Historically, I had had a daily practice of silently reciting a litany of things for which I was grateful. My lengthy “prayer of gratitude” was all-encompassing from the more mundane to the most fundamental of reasons to be thankful. After my most recent trauma, the painful demise of my marriage when my husband had abruptly abandoned me without forewarning, I struggled continuing my daily recitations. Immersed in self-pity, and wallowing in uncertainty, I temporarily lost my grounding, my enthusiastic happiness, and my passion for life. It was here at San Damiano, through contemplation and the comforting, embracing serenity, that I had found my way forward. I had embarked on my last visit with a heavy heart and had left with an open one full of hope, gratitude, and optimism. 

My last visit had been the catalyst for profound self-reflection and I had emerged with empowering self-awareness. My husband and I had been polar opposites. While I embraced simple pleasures, he gravitated towards the grandiose. My priority was collecting memorable experiences while he incessantly longed for more material possessions. While I focused on counting blessings, he focused on counting money. 

With the palpable spirit of St. Francis, I realized my divorce wasn’t cause for grief; it was cause for celebration. Celebration for ushering in a novel sense of freedom; freedom for me to live life on my terms, unapologetically, untethered from the constraints of societal norms, objective validations/trappings of “success”, and familial expectations. I had been living “small” to fit within the confines I had voluntarily accepted. 

I had come to San Damiano when I had been “lost” and now I was “found”. I had come with a searing heartache and had left with an invigorated spirit, anxious to passionately fulfill the promise of the rest of life as the best of my life with a fundamental underpinning of authenticity. The transformative power of positivity cannot be understated. The enduring power of gratitude had been my personal salvation.

I no longer associated Assisi with mourning. It was here that I had reclaimed my happiness; now I would gratefully, eternally associate it with living. My healing had reunited me with my characteristic happiness, spirited ways, unbreakable zest for life, and my ability to love profoundly, despite traversing through various dark moments throughout life. 

San Damiano made me realize that happiness isn’t something you find. Happiness is within you, not without. It’s not dependent on someone, something, someplace. That is one of the most beautiful thoughts I can think of. If you harness the power of happiness within you, no one, no trauma, and no event can take it from you. If that’s not empowering I don’t know what is….

Befittingly, at that moment, the melodious church bells started ringing their soothing, rhythmic sounds while a gentle breeze out of nowhere stirred my soul; it was as if the palpable peace I always felt here had wafted through my very being. 

That’s the simple beauty of gratitude; it makes happiness forever accessible, anytime, anywhere for anyone. I was reminded of a simple yet profound quote from Buddhism, another source of great comfort for me. To paraphrase, one pessimistic companion observes dejectedly to the other, “Nothing makes me happy.” The second companion responds optimistically with a grateful smile, “Nothing makes me happy too.” As I overlooked the valley one last time as the dusky rose sky ushered in the approach of evening, I recited my last blessing for the day with deep contentment, “Yes, nothing makes me happy too.”